Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
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