this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
