just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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