i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i dont even know how to be here
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
