i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
