If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
pop tarts are not kleenex
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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