"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Are my feet made of real feet?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
