yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
