i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
