Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
