My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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