He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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