First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
