I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Use "feeling words"
Yay
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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