dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I want a musical about memes.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
