Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
