I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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