She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
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His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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