Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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