I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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