Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
