Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
