i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
