Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
