she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
