i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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