i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
