i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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