My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
