can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
