So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize