Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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