Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
