I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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