She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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