I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
