Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Randomize
