I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
