beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I have fence marks all over my body
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
