Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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