I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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