This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
