Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
