are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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