It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
