Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
