trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
