If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
