This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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