Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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