And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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