Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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