they need to just BURY HIM!
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
