my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
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Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My vagina is very pro this idea
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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