we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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