Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Dicks are not precious.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
