I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
