and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
