Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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