Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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