after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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