he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
