Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
