Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
