I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize