"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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