Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
