Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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